4 Steps to Resolving Conflict
Is there tension in your workplace? Are you constantly fighting with your loved ones? Conflict is a natural element of the human condition. We are not identically wired. The things that stress us out and make us anxious vary from person to person, as does the way we communicate. What works for one might not work with another.
Unfortunately, conflict can become expensive and unproductive, especially in the workplace. Research shows that conflict in the workplace is on the rise and will continue to go up. A typical manager spends 25-40% of his or her time dealing with workplace conflicts. That’s one to two days of every work week.
So how do we resolve conflict, or better yet, avoid it? Here are some ways to help to reduce conflict - whether it is at work, or at home:
1. Breathe.
When you clear the noise and take a few moments to re-center, you have the ability to change your perspective and tackle issues from a logical standpoint, as opposed to jumping into an emotionally charged exchange.
2. Get empathetic.
Every person you work with is inherently different. Your friends, partner, and family members are all inherently different. It is essential to put yourself in their shoes before creating assumptions. Instead of responding to a conflict in kind, reframe your thoughts. Are they really upset with you? Could they possibly have outside stresses that are causing them to lash out at you? Recognizing that the issues may stem far from you can lead to empathy and resolution.
3. Flex your curiosity.
Asking open-ended questions allows you to fully understand someone’s perspective. It also gives them a chance to be heard, which can help lessen the conflict. Empowering questions let the frustrated party become part of the resolution.
4. Remember it’s not about winning.
In any conflict, both sides want to feel as if they have won in some capacity. However, a resolution is not about winning, it’s about finding a compromise that works for both parties. It is essential to remember this when emotions are running high. As an attorney, I spent a considerable amount of time mediating cases. When no one wins and everything resolves, it's a win.
Conflict is a natural part of the human condition, and it's bound to happen in any relationship. However, that doesn't mean we have to accept it as inevitable. There are ways to reduce conflict, and if we can learn to implement them effectively, we can maintain healthier relationships with less tension. At work, in our personal lives, or with friends and family members - by understanding how others think and behave differently than ourselves, empathizing with them, remaining curious, and refusing to see every conflict as a competition or "win", we can all resolve conflicts more easily. What strategies do you use when tensions arise?
RACHEL DEALTO
Rachel DeAlto is a keynote speaker on communication, leadership, team building, and more. She’s on a mission to connect people to their most powerful resource—each other.